LIFE in Lagos can be hard, even for a young, salaried professional. The long working hours, the endless traffic and the pressure to keep up appearances in a city that idolises wealth often leave people exhausted by the weekends, which are packed with lavish weddings and lengthy church services.
I came across the below article written by a JP Mikal. He touches on his life as a stay at home father and husband. Well educated as he is, he and his wife came to the realization that between them, his wife garnerned a higher income. It was financially beneficial for JP to stay at home with the kids, while his wife continued to flourish in her career.
She, like many women wanted the attention of having a man cater to her for a night. Take her out on the town every now and then. It had become a nuisance in a sense for him to hear his wife's complaints because he too wanted to be "Wined and Dined" as he put it.
In reading his article, I thought how easy it is to overlook the needs of your partner. It's not that its purposeful, life just tends to move almost at rapid speed, especially when you have a family to attend to everyday with no days off. Although the non purposeful overlooking carries on day after day, all of a sudden it becomes a purposeful disregard of your partners needs, and an overwhelming sense of your own that have gone ignored and unnurtured. Ugh...and the frustration festers and grows weary.
How easy it is to forget to encourage your partner in their goals, in their career, and to truly notice them everyday, not for their faults or the routine you've grown accustomed but to actually touch on their wants and needs. It's a challenge but it's certainly worthy of letting your partner know what you need out of the relationship often so that the two of you are growing together. And so that one day you don't wake up asking yourself "Who am I?" and "Who's this person I'm sleeping beside?" and "Why am I here, with you?" .
It had been bothering me for awhile now. Something she would say late in the evenings after the kids had gone to bed, or while taking a stroll with the family on the weekends when the baby was quiet and the other kids were chatting away about nothing in particular.
The Australian Business Insider gives us a snapshot of Leila Lowndes book, " How to Talk to Anyone". It's an oldie, yet still rings true. Leila, painfully shy well into adulthood became a professional public speaker as she vowed to get over her fear of communicating.
Of the 92 Communicating Tricks in her book, Maggie Zhang, of ABI elaborates on 7 body languages from Leila's book.
There's no question that body language is important. And, according to Leil Lowndes in her book "How To Talk To Anyone," you can capture - and hold - anyone's attention without even saying a word. We've selected the best body language techniques from the book and shared them below: "Don't flash an immediate smile when you greet someone," says Lowndes.
#1. shirts are highly encouraged!
Although women find a man's physique with nicely sculpted abs lovely to glance at. There is usually a reason for it, and in the online case, it's the obscene reason when a strange man has taken a selfie of himself awkwardly glaring in a mirror, bare chest staring back proudly as it may, a woman's first thought destined to come to mind, even after an appreciative grin is “Tool”.
I know this may come as a surprise to some. But we humans don't typically meet each other bare-chested. Online dating is already unfamiliar and awkward, why enhance that awkwardness?
#2. lazy Profile
So... get this you are a good looking guy, even if it's an awkward good looking, you enjoy attending Football games or binge-watching Netflix, your friends find you remotely funny or maybe they find you weird, you love the game chess, and on Saturday’s you volunteer or perhaps you spend your weekends doing nothing. Whatever it is, let your profile speak to who you are and to a potential date. It's important that you paint a picture, it doesn’t have to be long-winded(actually we'd very much prefer it never be long winded) but it should be informative, confident and charismatic.
Women are not the visual creatures to the extent men are, more than “Ask Me” written on your profile, which will surely bore a woman to tears, and have her quickly swipe left. Just think of the endless back and forth emails:( Even if you're a drop-dead gorgeous man, "the one" could be passing you by. A well-written profile will allow for a woman to ask questions based on its content. This will gauge whether there is an interest or any commonalities. To make it easier remove your ego from the game, and get in the game!
#3. no one-liners. get to the point.
Hey. Hi. What’s Up? Sexy.... How u doin'? How’s your day going?
If you want a woman’s attention and a reply, show her that you read her profile and that you have a genuine interest in getting to know her.
Hello, my name is Ron and I enjoyed reading your profile. I see your favorite season is Winter because you enjoy the crisp air. Do you also enjoy skiing? I’ve been wanting to learn for years now, maybe we could learn together? I'd be honored if you read my profile. If after reading it, you find yourself interested please message me back. Looking forward to hearing from you.
Keep it simple, quirky, a little corny is fine. The art of romance is slowly dying; however, women still love for a man to take control. Hi, how's your day going? And the back and forth that is likely to proceed can be very time-consuming and mindless. Spark the interest, wait for the reply, if it's good, ask her out for coffee. If it's not good, humbly write it off as a loss and find your next catch!
#4. who's that lady in your photo?
You look great in that photo, but who's that woman you have your arm wrapped around? Is she your ex-girlfriend that you're clearly not over, or perhaps your current!? Geesh... When it comes to profile pics, even if it's with your sister, a friend, or a cousin the best profile photos are up close and SOLO. Why leave it to chance and be swiped left?
#5. be a gentleman
Women like gracious, humble, and sane men. Don't go all Ike Turner on an email if a woman doesn't respond to you at all or in the way you expected. Also unless you are on a site that promotes sexual encounters it's highly inappropriate to make sexual innuendos to women online.
Men I hope after reading this you have been able to make some adjustments and if you found yourself reading this thinking you've been doing it right this whole time, congratulations you are well on your way to finding the one!